ALONE IN THE DARK (*)
Director Uwe Boll’s status grows more legendary with each movie he oversees, but not in a positive way (though I think he hardly cares). He is becoming our generation’s Ed Wood, sharing that same type of clueless fervor for moviemaking. Just as Mr. Wood was obsessed with the low-budget horror movies that flourished in the late 50s to early 60s, Mr. Boll (would you believe a Doctor of Literature from the University of Cologne?) has a disquieting fascination with movie adaptations of horror-based video games.
In 2003, he directed HOUSE OF THE DEAD, unseen by me, but as of this writing, is currently ranked as #34 of the bottom 100 movies at IMDB.com, and has 4% approval rating (rotten) at ROTTENTOMATOES.com. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m not rushing to rent this anytime soon. And I don’t suggest you go see ALONE IN THE DARK either, since remarkably, it is ranked #22 of the bottom 100, and is 1% approved of (This must be some kind of record).
Well, even a vast majority of moviegoers can be wrong about a movie in its early release (not likely, but it’s possible), and I was well aware of this film’s reputation before I saw it, thankfully tempering my expectations. As I saw Mr. Boll’s work, it was not as awful I thought it would be. It’s more satisfying than BLADE: TRINITY, though nowhere as original.
But looking back at the film, I realized that it had been reassembled from parts of other superior horror movies. It involves rare artifacts that hold a murderous beast, housed within a museum (HELLBOY or THE RELIC, take your pick), computer devices that scan for archeological information (BLADE), zombies, invertebrates that latch on to your spine (THE PUPPET MASTERS), an evacuated city (RESIDENT EVIL and 28 DAYS LATER), etc… etc. Why does something tell me that this write-up is beginning to sound like my BAHAY NI LOLA 2 review?
To be fair, the movie is technically sound, and full of nice ideas borrowed from other filmmakers, such as overhead skyline shots of Vancouver (most recently and more effectively done in COLLATERAL). It has an initial fight sequence that isn’t all that bad, and a gratuitous (though tame) sex scene that most action films are afraid to put in for fear of the R-rating. I kind of liked the realm where the movie’s monsters come from, though if you’ve seen HELLBOY, there’s no point to go see it here.
But that’s my point, isn’t it? Everything here has been seen somewhere else, and most probably been better executed. Worse yet, it has nothing to do with the game it adapts (at least RESIDENT EVIL makes complete sense within the game’s confines). Christian Slater and especially Stephen Dorff give it more presence than it deserves, but as Stephen Holden of The New York Times points out, “… it is an embarrassment that smacks of career desperation…” Tara Reid, who is not that talented to begin with, has one purpose, which is to serve the gratuitous (but unsatisfying) sex. She’s a liability in every other one.
To make it short and sweet, there is no good reason to see ALONE IN THE DARK. Watching it is like being to Disneyland the seventh time in a week. At least Ed Wood’s films have a certain charm where you can claim that “It’s so bad, it’s good.” This one is just bad.
Note: Try to stay away from Uwe Boll’s next film BLOODRAYNE too. Watching its trailer alone should be more than enough warning.
This movie is quite disappointing because the AITD was actually a really good PC game. Hands down, one of the scariest games I've ever played, next to 'Silent Hill 1' on the PlayStation.