BAD COMPANY (*)
Note: This is my interpretation of Jerry Bruckheimer's (the film's producer) thoughts
Let's fill in the blanks in making my new movie, shall we?
First, let's pick an odd couple, one so unlikely that people will be so curious to see how they'd work out. I mean Mel Gibson and Danny Glover (LETHAL WEAPON) mastered this, and Hollywood has been cashing in on this "cop" formula since God knows when. I know! What could be a bigger mismatch than Anthony Hopkins (THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS) and Chris Rock (DOGMA)? One is an acting giant, the other a comedic genius. They virtually have nothing in common (other than this horrible movie). That's one item down! On to the next.
Let's pick the bad guys. Let's see, since we don't want to offend anybody, let's not pick anybody who even remotely looks or sounds like an Arab or a Muslim (or more importantly, both). The Soviet Union is gone, so using Ruskies is too tired (apparently the odd couple concept isn't). Maybe we could use the Nazis? Nah... The Sum of All Fears already picked them up. Dang! We were too slow on that draw. Can't use Africans or Asians or South Americans for charges of racism. I know! Let's pick any members of the Baltic States formerly known as Yugoslavia. I think they're from that region. But if I don't know, what's the chance that anyone else will? That's two down.
Okay... last item. The scenario. These two guys should save the world from something. Global Warming? Too boring. Alien Invasion? Too expensive for special effects. Nuclear War? Oh, I forgot about The Sum of All Fears. A Nasty Crime Lord? Too small a scale. Illegal Drugs? Forgot about the South American link. Child exploitation? Prostitution? The lack of a Pro-Baseball salary cap? Not very interesting. Aw hell. Let's just go for the ole terrorist attack. It's going on all over the world. And the bad guys are insane, so we can justifiably kill them without an afterthought. Let's make the bomb nuclear. I'm tired of trying to conjure up something elaborate.
Ok, so what else are we missing here? Let's throw in the car-chases, gun battles, fancy action gear, and snappy one liners that the standup comedian is supposed to deliver. We don't need to write anything, Mr. Rock will come up with his own material. And since we have lots of mindless action, most of the movie will be on autopilot anyway. Let's also get a talented actress like Kerry Washington and reward her great acting in small movies with a useless toy girl role in this one. After all, this is my film. Women have no business being meaningful in my pictures.
Oh yeah, let's get a talented director like Joel Schumacher (TIGERLAND) to craft something out of these building blocks. If it doesn't click with the audiences, it'll be his fault. So what if the film's script doesn't have any shred of believability, credibility, or sensitivity to current events? We'll just ride Anthony Hopkins for all he's worth. Who cares if he looks annoyed? At the rate we'll pay him, he can afford to be. Hey, though he's not known for comedy, he can play it very well as he did in THE ROAD TO WELLVILLE. So what if he wants to play this role cold. Chris Rock will save the film.
And who cares if Chris Rock is trying to be funny at all the wrong times? He's a comedian, let him figure out when to be funny or not. He was unbelievably funny yet socially responsible in his HBO special BRING IN THE PAIN. So what if he's been making bad movie choices since Dogma. He'll be great again. Especially with Anthony Hopkins playing his stiff mentor.
By the way, don't forget to set the terrorist attack in New York, the world's most prominent city, so that we'll have real tension that way. So what if THE SUM OF ALL FEARS will deal with the threat of nuclear destruction of a US metropolitan area semi-seriously? We'll deal with it semi-humorously.
Note: This is my interpretation of moviegoers who know better.
ha ha.
Posted by FLIPCRITIC at June 25, 2002 12:00 AM