The Flipcritic

The easiest movie reviews to write are the ones that involve bad films. So you'll understand when I say that this will be one of my easiest, since CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE makes a strong case for worst film of the year (so far). This is a film that loads so much ammunition for critics willing to review it. I say “willing” since I was unwilling to do so at first. I hated its predecessor, and since most reviews have said that FULL THROTTLE bears a lot of resemblance to its antecedent, why wouldn’t I hate it as well (I thought it hard to believe, but it’s far worse)?

There is so much to dislike about this picture that reviewing it gives it undeserving attention. From its opening scene down to the ending credit bloopers, FULL THROTTLE is a never-ending series of jiggling juvenilia. It has no coherent storyline (so why give a synopsis?), only a chain of ridiculously convenient, contrived, and perky situations that tie several illogical action sequences, all of which are ludicrously conceived. It’s littered with many cameos (some nice, all underused), unfunny jokes, loud throbbing pop/rock/r&b/techno music (to distract us from its nonsense), and tired tired tired fight scenes.

You must be thinking that if FULL THROTTLE is this bad, why give it a half-star at all? The movie kept on teetering between 0 and 0.5 while I was watching it. I think it’s because of the filmmakers’ audacity to be so consistently cheerful and annoying at the same time. You can just feel their zeal to sugar-rush you right out of the theater. I also liked seeing comedy greats such as John Cleese (from MONTY PYTHON fame) and Bernie Mac (OCEAN’S ELEVEN). Both of them are not only funny, they also posses fine acting talents as well. That probably explains why they’re so underused, since their gifts are grossly mishandled or scarcely called upon. Even the refreshing appearance of Jaclyn Smith (of the original TV Angels) seems way out of place. She has too much class for this picture (and she is still stunningly lovely after all these years).

I also very much enjoyed seeing Demi Moore again after such a long acting hiatus. There was a time where she was considered the sexiest actress in Hollywood (J. Lo has NOTHING on her), and she brings that fiery sexuality better than anyone else in the film. In fact, she’s so effective that it actually hurts the picture, since we begin to root more for her than we do for the Angels (never a good sign). She’s also used quite often to hint at lesbian tendencies, but only to serve the male audience (a rising trend in Tinseltown).

Despite Ms. Moore, Mr. Cleese, and Mr. Mac, nothing can save this film from its low ambitions. Lucy Liu, Drew Barrymore, and Cameron Diaz are blatantly annoying. And McG (which must stand for McGarbage) displays zero directing skill (a monkey with a camera could have done better). When you really look at it CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE isn’t a movie at all. It’s a mind-boggling progression of people making spectacles of themselves. It is rude, devoid of humor, insulting, and most of all brainless. Here’s a project begging to be blasted, and I have gladly obliged.